My Jacked Up Life

I’m sure that most of you rolled your eyes at the possibility of another corny, sappy Thanksgiving list. Ok, we’re all grateful for our families, good health, good fortune and what ever else floats your bloat. ( I could insert a joke about how my Float Crib doesn’t float but I’ll spare you.)

 Sometimes people don’t think about the little things that make our lives what they are. On that note, I’ve decided to list a few of mine.

I am thankful for…..

• Chlorox bleach wipes. I have three boy’s….need I say more?.
• My laptop. Now that I’m a blogger I can sit my fat ass on the couch and at least look like I’m doing something.
• My middle finger. Because of it, I can easily get my point across in traffic in a way for all to understand.
• Drive thru’s. Heaven forbid I should have to walk across a parking lot to get food I shouldn’t be eating anyway.
• Southern Comfort and Sprite. I am convinced that everyone should have a signature drink. ( And carry a flask of it in her purse.)
• My flask. You’re a real pal.
• The police officers in my area. Thanks for being just a text message away. ( Who needs a cab?)
• Dive bars. Because when I go in there…DAMN, I’m pretty!! ( You know it’s a dive bar when your shoes keep sticking to the floor.)
• QT bathrooms. They are the cleanest and sometimes you’re just not gonna make it home.
• Stupid people who have no common sense. Without you, I would have to start making this crap up.
• Loser’s I have dated. You have given me a lot of material to work with here. I’ll be getting to you jackasses shortly.

Well, I guess that’s about it.

 Gobble Gobble, Bitches!!!!!