My Jacked Up Life

I almost forgot to post about NYE. It was a fun night. I love to get all dolled up and head out for a night on the town.

BUT …..before I get into this story I want to make it clear that I am in no way making fun of disabled people. There were some things that happen that are worth mentioning. Ok…if we’re being totally honest here…I’m probably going to hell for telling this story but if I do, I’m taking all of you with me.

We get to the hotel and immediately go to our room because I have to finish getting ready. Our friends wanted to get tanked and were gracious enough to wait for us in the lobby. After Gene and I get ourselves together, we head down to the party.

Dinner was great. Steak and lobster, drinks, cheesecake. The conversation was flowing. At some point, the people at the long table across the room get up to dance. Some of our party were still enjoying dinner so the rest of us started taking in the scene while we waited. Right in front of us, on the dance floor, we noticed two people doing the booty dance. And I mean they were GOIN’ at it. She was flopping and rubbing her ass all over him, he was smackin’ her ass like he was about to bring it home. The problem was that it wasn’t a pretty sight. AT ALL!!!! It took us a few minutes to realize that the group across the room from us were a group of ‘special needs’ older adults. (Don’t forget that we had a few drinks at this point. Hell, I started before I left the house.)

After we realized the ‘special needs’ aspect of the situation, we felt a little bad and we sat back and continued to take in the scene. Then the rest of their group got up to do the booty dance. There was smackin’ and grabbin’ and grindin’ all over the place. There were thing’s going on that I really didn’t need to see. EVER!!! I grab Christy and head to the ladies room.

When we walked into the ladies room the stink was so bad it was like getting kicked in the teeth. Someone was taking a monster crap. It was the only bathroom in the vicinity and there were only two stall’s. I decided to suck it up, do my business and get the hell out of there before the next person thought it was me. Women are different in that sense. We don’t like to brag. Usually.

So….I’m in the stall, trying to make this quick, and all of a sudden the woman taking the crap starts to sing ‘Baby Love’ by the Supremes. Oh, hell!!!! She’s one of the ‘special needs’ adults. I don’t need this now, I’ve been drinking. I couldn’t help it. I look down and see that this person is taking such a monster crap that she had to wrap her feet around the bottom of the toilet to hang on. Then the ass explosions started. She’s still singing.

Baby love….

My Baby love….

Oh, how I need your love…..

grunt…….BOOOSH……splash….ahhhhh…..

Baby love……

My Baby love….

 I wrapped it up and got the hell out of there. This was just too much for me. Christy had already bailed on me and was waiting in the hall. Bitch. She missed the ass explosions so I brought her up to speed.

I couldn’t spend the rest of my night getting drunk in that particular room so we rounded up our friends and took off for the night club at the other side of the hotel.

Now, I’m sure that at some point you may have wondered why I looked down. It’s a habit. Women always do that. We look at the shoe’s so we know who to point out to our girlfriend’s in the case of ass explosion’s. In this case, I just ran away as fast as I could. This was beyond my limit’s of self control and I realized that.

After making it safely to the night club, we had a great time. Although this wasn’t the first NYE Gene and I have spent together, it was our first as a couple. That’s a story for another post.

Have a great 2008 and don’t forget to keep checking in.