My Jacked Up Life

Now that this week is over I can get back into the swing of things.

To kick things off, I’ve decided to introduce a new series called ‘Tales From The Ghetto’ and it’s just like the title says. This series will feature the odd happenings of every day ghetto life. You’ll meet some interesting characters, Cross-Eyed Rita for example. And there will be interesting stories that you’ll think that I’ve made up, but they’re all true. You just can’t make this shit up folks.

First, a little back ground. My tales come from the north side of St. Louis, MO. I lived just north of downtown in a neighborhood called Benton Park. We didn’t have much around there.  There were a couple of places to grab a bite to eat, but only a handful. When they opened the local Domino’s Pizza they refused to deliver to any house on our block except ours. There were a row of crack houses up the street and they were afraid the delivery guys would get held up to support a habit. It was a valid concern. You wouldn’t catch me delivering pizza’s around those parts. Nuh-uh.

We also had a few Chinese places but we would never eat there. A couple of them were shut down when the health department discovered dog carcases in their dumpsters. No lie. Here’s a tip for ya. If you eat at a questionable Chinese resturant, always order the shrimp fried rice. Shrimp has such a distinctive shape and color that no other substance could possibly pass for it. It’s either shrimp or it’s not. Or, you could just get the plain friend rice but check for maggots because they can easily pass for rice grains. If the rice ain’t movin’ it’s safe to eat.  Just a friendly tip from your ol’ buddy Ang.

But the best place of all was and still is Crown Candy Kitchen. These guy’s are the best. It’s a old fashioned ice cream shop that’s still run by the grandson’s of the founder. They make most of their ice cream and candy in the back. One year, they even won a write up in Bon Appeite magazine. Funny how a shit-hole of a neighborhood has a landmark resturant that is know around the country. If you’re ever in town you should stop by. I would recommend the black cherry ice cream cone or one of their Newport Sundae’s. YUUUMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!

My sister’s and I went to the only Catholic Elementary school in the area, Most Holy Trinity. Somehow, that school has survived and is still chugging along, from what I hear.

On the corner of 19th and St. Louis Ave. was a bar called Mac’s. It was the only bar in the neighborhood that we would hang out at. Mostly, because the local cop’s on duty would hang out there with us. Not to say they would have a drink besides soda. They would never do that. This is how I became friends with half the police department. That’s a story for another day. Now Mac, the owner of this bar, was a pool shark. And I mean that in every sense of the word. He once beat Minnesota Fats. Gotta say I was pretty impressed by that.

A few famous people also come from my neck of the woods. The comedian Redd Foxx grew up a few blocks away from my house. Tina Turner was born in Nutbush, TN but moved to the neighborhood when she was 16. She attended Sumner high school, which is still around today. At that time Ms. Turner was still going by Anna Mae Bullock. It was at a local bar that she meet Ike Turner. Guess that mean’s Ike had some local roots here too. RIP, dude.

Hopefully, sometime soon, I’ll be able to take a trip back to the neighborhood and take some pictures to post. Before I do that I’ve gotta figure out a way to be discrete about it. I’m not looking to get jacked for my digital camera. Plus, I don’t want the local crack heads to think that I’m tailing them because I’m a snitch. That’s the last thing you want a crackhead to think about you. You’ll get your ass shot off.

See…..these are all thing’s you have to keep in mind when you’re dealing with this particular element.

At some point you may be wondering what the hell was a little white girl was doing living in that neighborhood. Good question. We didn’t live there because we were poor or anything like that. We lived there because my family had been in the neighborhood for decades. At one time St. Louis Ave was a very prominent place to live. Some of the homes were so big that they had private quaters for the servants. If you look closely at the houses that remain, you can still see the magesty in them. Architectually, they are beautiful.

Why did we stay after the neighborhood took a turn for the worse? It was all we knew. The local crackheads left us alone because they knew that we knew all the cops. They weren’t looking to get arrested. Once, I remember my Dad was at Crown’s hanging out with some of the cops and a call came over the radio that a young girl on our block had called in a rape. I was sitting in the living room with my sisters when Dad and the cop’s came busting in through the front door. After making sure it wasn’t one of the three of us, they went on the find the actual victim. Dad hitched a ride back to Crown’s. Plus, it helped that they reffered to mom as the ‘Crazy White Bitch’. My mom cracks me up.

So, there’s your intro to ghetto life. More soon, I promise.