Don’t Expect To Become Miss America If Your Ass Is Spreading out like Montana
Over the last year or so I’ve gained a few pounds.
I’m not happy.
At all!!!!!!
Now, I know that you don’t want to hear about my ever widening ass but you’re just going to have to bear with me here. Maybe I can motivate myself with shame. Of course, shame comes in many forms.
Let’s list a few…….
1) There’s that grunt you make when you bend over to tie your shoes or pick something up.
2) You have to find a different way to tie the damn shoes because the old way just isn’t working for you anymore.
3) You wear baggy shirts because the waist of your pant’s look like they are cutting you in half.
4) Your underwear roll up like a joint under the little pooch that’s developed where your flat stomach used to be. (Yeah, jokes about building a shed for the tools just doesn’t work for us. And BTW….they don’t work for men either.)
5) Your kid walks by, grabs your ass on both sides and yells, ‘Look at it go!’ (Just wait you little shit)
6) You can’t remeber the last time you had sex with the lights on.
OR
7) There are some positions you won’t do anymore because, let’s face it, they’re just not flattering anymore. (And not as easy to do, either.)
Last Christmas all of your clothing gifts were a size bigger. (So, apparently, everyone else has noticed your ‘extra grande’ ass, too. And let me tell you, the only time a fat chick wants to see the word ‘Grande’ is at the drive thru at Taco Bell. I think I just found another piece of the puzzle.)
9) The people at the drive thru window ask, ‘Where’ve you been?’ when you skip a day.
10) You clean out your purse and find cheeseburger wrapper. How fat chick is that?
Ok…..that’s enough of that. This list could go on for day’s.
I know that my eating habits haven’t helped. And I know that going out drinking one night a weekend for two years hasn’t helped either. And I also know that not continuing with my excercise routine after the marathon last April didn’t help. So I joined a gym and broke out the Weight Watcher cookbooks. So far, it’s been going well.
Don’t hate me when I’m skinny.