My Jacked Up Life

Me and Kevin at our annual ballgame June ’07

Kevin is one of those guy’s you want to have as a friend.  (Even though he’s a lurker that doesn’t post here!!! POST, YOU BASTARD!!!! POST!!!!) You can talk to him about anything. But don’t expect him to blow smoke up your ass. He’ll always tell you the truth even if it’s not what you want to hear and  he has a way of doing it without being a jerk.

Yesterday, Kevin and I went to lunch to catch up because we’ve both been so busy lately we’ve been a little out of touch. Afterwards, I was driving home and I remembered a conversation I had with Kevin a few months ago. I still laugh at how ridiculous this conversation was.

Here’s some groundwork……Kevin and I can spend hours on the phone together. Just talking about our lives, friends, sports, religion, current events, relationships….anything. One night I asked Kevin to hold on for a minute. I had to pee. We had been on the phone for at least an hour and didn’t look like we were getting off anytime soon. When I got back to the phone Kevin asked if I felt better. I forgot to mute the phone and he heard me even though the phone was in the other room. I was really embarrassed. It’s one thing to do that with a girlfriend or a cousin (hee hee) on the phone but a guy friend….not so much.

A few months ago Kevin and I were on the phone and I had to ask him to hold  on again. When I got back to the phone Kevin asked if I had to pee. I said yes and this is a brief text of the conversation that followed.

Kevin: Did you put the phone down to pee?

Angela: Yeah.

Kevin: OMG!!!! When are you going to get over that?

Angela: What?

Kevin: As much as we talk and hang out, you can’t pee on the phone?

Angela: Not with you. You’re a guy and why would you want to hear that?

Kevin: That’s ridiculous! What do you do with Gene living in the house?

Angela: Well……if I have to pee I just go. If I have to poop I try to do it before he get’s home from work or wait till he leaves.

Kevin: Wait a second here…… You have been living with the guy for six months and you wait for him to leave the house before you poop?!!

Angela: Yeah. Why? We don’t need to share everything.

Kevin: You mean to tell me that Gene has seen every square inch of you, I assume, and you won’t poop with him in the house?

Angela: Nope. Don’t fart in front of him either.

Kevin: You have got to be freakin’ kidding me?!!

Angela: What? Yeah…that’s real sexy….’Honey, why don’t you come over here by me………..bbbbbbbuuuuuuuurrrrrttttt…..‘cuz I know you want to hit this!’

Kevin: At least you’re being honest with him.

Angela: I have to shit on a guy to be honest with him? Kevin, I’ve been friends with you for five years. When have I ever done that in front of you?

Kevin: You burp.

Angela: Yeah….but that’s all the beer. We drink a lot when we’re together.

At this point, Kevin and I got into a big debate about when it’s the right time to rip ass in front of your partner.  We still haven’t agreed on anything.

 I’m not kidding. This was a serious conversation between two adults.

(Gene has been living here for 10 months now and nothing has changed…..in case you were wondering. )