My Jacked Up Life

Yesterday, my cousin Paula’s divorce was made final. She has made the move back into single life and it could be a bumpy ride. Not only does she now have to deal with her ex but now she may, someday, have to deal with someone else’s ex. Let’s face it, men our age very rarely come with no kids or an ex. If they do….there’s a really good reason for it. (He’s crazy as hell, Girl…..RUN!!!!!!)

So, I’ve decided to give her some advice for singe life because she’s been out of it for a few years.  

Here goes…….

         1) Make sure you get his license plate number so I can run him through the police department. Once we find out exactly what he’s been arrested for, you can go from there. Until then, just keep checking the sex offenders list. (And I don’t mean to find a date, it’s to make sure yours isn’t already on there.)

         2) If he keeps getting phone calls that he won’t answer it front of you….well that could be for a couple of reasons……A) He’s married. 

                      B) His ass is broke and someone’s looking for the money he owes them.

                      C) He’s selling dope….wait…..he’d still answer that…..nevermind.

                      D) He’s a ho and that’s one of his booty calls.

       3) If he dosen’t have an ex then you should wonder why. He’s either a jackass, really stupid or bad in bed but more than likely, he’s all three.

       4) Be prepared for having to deal with an ex. There lot’s of fun. (LuLu’s fat ass has called Gene everyday this week and for no good reason.)

        5) If he keeps grabbing his crotch, I doubt that he’s so large that he has to keep making an adjustment. He might have something in there that Gold Bond can’t fix. Take him to the clinic and have him checked. Don’t take his word, ask to see the lab results. You could be thanking me for this later.

That should be enough to get you started for now.

Welcome back and good luck girl!!!!!!