Bless Me Father, For I Have Just Shit My Pants
Every year, AC’s school hosts an art show for the parents to see what the kid’s have done through out the year. This year AC’s class also put on a little skit in their class room that we, as parents, are required to suffer…..I mean… sit through.
At the time of the showing this year our new little girl, the Princess, was about 7 weeks old. Now, if you’re a parent you know that for some time after babies are born they have what are known as ‘explosive shits’. And they are called this for a very good reason. They are loud and forceful and sound like they would hurt the ass of a forty year old trucker. Definitely a force to be reckoned with.
Anyway…..Gene had a business meeting, so I’m there with both kids by myself. I head up to AC’s classroom and find a seat. On my right is his teacher, Mrs. B, and on my left is Father Jim, the parish priest. Parents, grandparents and siblings seem to make up the fifty or so people in the room.
At some point in the skit there was a break in the dialog and the room was silent…..but just for a second. Out of no where we hear……….bbbbuuurrrrnnntttt!!!!! and everyone turns to look at me.
And NO, it wasn’t me…..really…..
It was at this time that the Princess decided to have one of her explosive shits. Right there, in the middle of the skit and the entire room heard it. There’s a small, collective giggle around the room and the kids go on with the skit.
Maybe a minute goes by and……..bbuuuuuurrrrrnnntttt!!!!….. again. This time, when Father Jim looks at me, I point to the baby.
Angela: It was her, Father, I swear.
Father Jim: Don’t blame the baby, Mrs. K. We all heard you.