My Jacked Up Life

Evansville, IL is a small country town, located right on the Kaskaskia river and has a very ‘Mayberry-ish’ feel to it. The town has a cop…..not cops……a cop. Everyone knows everybody and their business. Once a year they have ‘Evansville Days’, it’s basically a town picnic…..or frat party, depending on how you look at it. Personally, I’m more of a frat party kinda girl myself.

My friend Christy’s mom owns a bar and we go down there during this time, along with our friend Sarah, to help out.  It’s a great place to people watch. At times, I am completely stunned at what I see.

There was a guy who spent days creating a cowboy hat out of a couple of Milwakee’s Best boxes. It’s my understanding that he has a degree in engineering and this is what he does with his free time. Although, I will admit that I was kind of impressed with the hat.

Another guy walked up to the bar wearing a t-shirt that said, ‘If you mess with me….you mess with the whole trailer park’……classic……wonder where I can get Gene one of those.

I have never seen so many ‘man boobies’ in one place in my life.  Not to mention all the whale tails and muffin tops.

Then there was the chick in the green mini dress and black stilettos who apparently confused Evansville Days with the senior prom.

Buttcracks…..here a buttcrack, there a buttcrack, everywhere a buttcrack. Ever hear of a belt?

Across the street from Sue’s bar there’s Shank’s meat market where they sell hats that say, ‘You can’t beat our meat’…..I’ll take your word for it.

And my all-time favorite of the night……the sixty year old woman who was bumping and grinding with her seventy-five year old boyfriend/husband to Buck Cherries ‘Crazy Bitch’.  I could have lived the rest of my life without seeing that train wreck. EEWWWW!!

Next year I’m taking my camera.

But all in all, Evansville is a great little town. Having lived in a large city all my life, it’s nice to get a true glimpse of small town living. The fact that everyone knows their neighbors makes me feel safe, even if they only have one cop. The few times that I’ve been there the people are warm and friendly and always remember me. If you’re a boater, it’s a great place to dock. Stop in at ‘Just Sue’s and Crew’ and have a pizza, Bloody Mary or a huge Bucket of Love that has made Sue famous in those parts. Tell her Angie sent ya.

Gene has this friend who is a pediatrician at a local hospital. His name is Dr. John….yeah, I know, I think of the porn shop on 141 and Gravois too…….any who…Dr. John calls Gene last night to tell him what he walked into at the ER as soon as he got to work.

There were three skater dudes…..can’t say that I’m a fan of skater dudes but to each their own….they were at some stairs trying to grind on the hand rails (impressed with my skater lingo?) As skater , #1 was making his attempt to grind he fell and ended up ‘breaking his ass’. (I’m not doctor myself but I don’t think that’s the proper medical term.) When he fell his skate board flew up and cracked skater #2 in the head resulting in 32 stitches because he didn’t duck.  Skater #3 escaped with no injuries.

A broken ass…..do they put those in a cast? Maybe with a little hole in the back? EEEWWWWW! A poop hole!!!!! That can’t be sanitary!!!

Maybe I should have named this post, ‘Dumbass with a broken ass.’

Since I have become a parent, I’ve noticed how much parenting has changed since I was a kid.  Instead of getting easier, it seems to have gotten much more complicated.

 My childhood birthday parties were a simple thing.  Hell…..we were stoked if we got a cake from the bakery and not one that was made by mom and Betty Crocker.  We ate out once a week, rarely went to the movies and summer vacation meant playing out in the street with your friends.

But now it seems as though people have made this parenting thing much harder than it has to be, myself included. Talk about summer vacation and the kids are asking when they are going to the beach. Birthday parties mean elaborate themes, tons of friends and family and much better gifts than when I was a kid. 

Why do we, as parents do this? I have no idea and I’m not going to pretend that I do.

So, what brings me to all of this you ask. Let me tell you.  AC and I did the coolest thing last night. The Perseid meteor shower was in view and he really wanted to see a real meteor. So, I got some pillows and blankets and we went out  on the roof of the additional room of our house. We spread everything out and laid there and watched one of the most incredible things either of us have ever seen. Afterwards AC looks at me and says, ‘Mom, I had the best time tonight. This was the coolest thing we have ever done together, it even beats Disney World.’….wish he would would have told me that before I dropped over two grand on that damn trip.

Anyway….it was that statement that made me start thinking. We put our kids in countless activities….hockey, soccer, baseball, dance, drag then all over the country on vacations…it’s endless….all because we think these are the only things that will make unforgettable childhood memories for our kids and we couldn’t be more wrong. Here we are lying on my roof, laughing and joking around, watching this incredible meteor shower and my kid is having the best time.

All of a sudden it hit me…..I need to pay more attention to the little things.  That and I think I just showed my kid how to sneek out of the house from his bedroom window.

Stinky old people don’t like it when you spray them with Fabreeze….just thought you’d want to know.

Last summer, I wrote about my love/hate relationship with McDonalds.

For quick reference…… http://www.myjackeduplife.com/2008/07/22/my-lovehate-relationship-with-mcdonalds/

Well, today I went to the one at Gravois and Hampton. Yeah, that’s right, the one I was asked not to return too because I threw a cheeseburger through the drive thru window. I’ve been there a few times over that last month or so because I was in the area at the time and it was convenient. Besides, why do I have to be put out because they don’t know how to place two pieces of meat between two buns? It’s not rocket science.

Today, I order the usual  for Austin. A plain double hamburger, nothing on it, no cheese.

Sounds simple, right?

WRONG!!!!

Once again, the PhD at the window gives me a plain cheeseburger. When she tells me that it is a plain hamburger I just launch it back through the window. I don’t know what it is about this particular McDonalds that makes me behave that way.

Needless to say, I have been asked not to return to that McDonalds…….ever.